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Guys Love What Women Don't

Author: Ed Williams

Remember last week�s column when I talked about that annoying little habit women have of wanting to eat food off a man�s plate when they�re out with one of us at a restaurant? Well, I had a certain lady write me an email in response, and she told me that she somewhat agreed with me re what I was saying, but, added that it really didn�t matter too much as, �...getting upset about us eating food off a man�s plate is strictly a guy�s thing. It�s no big deal to us.�

A guy�s thing. I�ve heard that terminology since back in high school when I first started dating. What it refers to is the fact that there are just some things that men like that women don�t. Those little things that separate the sexes, and make them what they are. And, after thinking for a good twenty seconds, I�m gonna be kind enough to list what some of the major �guy�s things� are:

1. The Three Stooges - For some unknown reason, guys love the Stooges and women don�t. What�s not to love? They exhibited some of the greatest physical comedy ever, and some of their sayings were priceless. Remember some of these routines:

Curly: �Whatja say?�

Moe: *gives Curly a two-finger eye poke*

Curly: �That�s what I thought ya said.�

Or:

Shemp: (Looking into a mirror) �There I yam - and as pretty as a picture.�

Moe: �Yeah. Of an ape.� (Then slaps Shemp hard).

Isn�t that great? I�ll bet lots of you guys out there are laughing out loud. On the other hand, I�ll bet that most of you ladies are saying, �I just don�t get it, I never thought the Stooges were all that funny.� This is a great first example of a �guy�s thing.� But there�s plenty more.

2. Mountain Dew - Diet Mountain Dew is my favorite soft drink in the world. I love its mellow, citrus based taste, and it has more caffeine in it than any other soft drink. But, what I�ve discovered is, try offering one to a woman. For some unknown reason, experience has taught me that eight out of ten women will turn a Mountain Dew down, saying, �I just don�t like it.� What�s not to like? It tastes good, keeps you awake, and it looks the same leaving your body as when it went in. A totally useful product.

3. Burping loudly - I�m not going to say anything else here or I�ll get in trouble, but just suffice it to say that most men get a big kick out of this, and all women despise it. No one ever said that Mother Nature is always pretty, you know.

4. Hating ties - Any man that has a testosterone count higher than Liberace hates neck ties. Absolutely despises them. They had to be invented by a fervent man-hater - the problem is, women love for you to wear one just as badly as you hate doing so. I�d rather spend a Saturday poisoning wasp nests than to wear a neck tie to a formal social function. Unfortunately, the women in our lives can give you pretty convincing reasons to wear one, so, we have to do it. But it still stinks like a dead frog in the hot sun, though.

5. Not wanting to use strange toilets - For some reason, women can go into a restroom in a restaurant, gas station, or other public facility and use it without hesitation. Conversely, most men hate using a strange toilet. For us, images of mutant bacteria that could eat whole cows alive live on those toilet seats. I�ve even resisted going to the bathroom instead of being forced to use a strange one. Honestly, I think most of you ladies out there need to rethink this one.

And there you have it. Some of the most well known �guy�s things� there are. Probably, if I�m guessing right, I�d say that some of you ladies out there might want equal time, maybe a future column about �gal�s things.� The only thing is, I�m not biologically qualified to write it. My suggestion would be to contact my good friend, columnist Amy Eason (www.amy-eason.com). Tell her I wrote a column about guy�s things, and that you think a response is in order. That�ll get her back up enough that I�ll guarantee you she�ll produce a wonderful, women friendly masterpiece for all you ladies...

About the Author

Ed�s latest book, �Rough As A Cob,� can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He�s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.

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